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Geezer Radio – #humor

Photo of radio dialThe cassette player in my 20-year-old Taurus has jammed, and I’ve been reduced to listening to nothing but local broadcasting.

This is a mixed blessing.

Now that my car radio’s five buttons are set to the top AM/FM oldie-stations, I get to rock-out to the best of the 60s and 70s. Cool. Much nicer than my teeny-tiny 20-tape car audio collection. Of course I could have been listening to the airwaves all along. But I didn’t. Instead I motored in monotony, stuck in a rhythmic rut without the likes of Jefferson Airplane, the Rolling Stones or the Doors.

Until my car devoured Elton’s “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road,” my choices were dictated by what I found at yard sales. And the cassette pickings these days are pretty pathetic.

Necessity has freed me from this routine. Now I’m able to crank up the stereo. So I did, and serendipitously, the sweet sounds of Santana soothed my soul.

I ain’t got nooobody. That I can depend ooon…”

Suddenly I’m 16 again. It’s Friday night, and I’m on Chester Avenue cruisin’ in my ’66 VW Beetle. The sun roof’s open, and the streetlights are so bright I’m wearing my sunglasses. I can almost smell the hot oil from that leaky old valve cover.

Sigh.

The song ends, but my flashback continues. Right up to the next radio ad.

“And what can you depend on?” the announcer asks rhetorically? “When you’re afraid to leave your home, shop, or take in a movie? Worried that a sudden sneeze will lead to the embarrassment of soiled undergarments? Well, fear no more. With our discreet “Zen-Serenity” bladder protection, you’ll get your life back.”

Arrgh! I fume. Do I need to hear this?

I don’t know what annoys me more. The assumption that I’m incontinent because I’m over 50, or the announcer segueing from lyrics I adore to an ad that makes my orifices pucker.

Gee, Geezer Radio, thanks a lot. You just ruined “No One To Depend On.” I won’t be able to hear it again without thinking of adult diapers. I haven’t been this annoyed since James Brown’s “I Feel Good,” was hijacked by a laxative commercial.

You can read the full story here… http://bit.ly/1ouyB88

 

Or So It Seems – Invasion of the Closet Snatchers

Leopard shoes This week’s installment of my humor column. #orsoitseems @robblightfoot http://anewscafe.com/2013/04/11/or-so-it-seems-invasion-of-the-closet-snatchers/

Sinister Semyour, RL Stine and Me

Wrote a bit on nostalgia about my brother and me and our childhood passion for horror flicks. Look for it at http://anewscafe.com/2013/02/21/or-so-it-seems-from-sinister-seymour-to-rl-stine/

What a surprise…. got a response from Bob Stine.

Bob Stine drops into anewscafe

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I thought it was a prank. Just the sort of thing my brother would do.

Bob Stine assures me he exists

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wow,  I thought. But then my brother wouldn’t give up easily. So I had to check

RL Bob Stine mentioned my story

Bob Stine’s Tweet

 

 

 

 

 

 

He even retweeted a story link. Sweet man. Twisted, but nice.

What I want to know is how it is that his links don’t get shortened by bit.ly? Creepy…. 🙂

By the way, a big thanks to my wife, Karin, for taking both pictures I used in this story. Including this one below.

 

Photo of JD and Robb

JD and Robb – See no evil – hear no screams

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now that I think about it… he may not have wanted to be seen in public with me. Thanks, Bro…. and happy 55th birthday.

Reading under the covers

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Karin’s cover shot…